Bring Me To Life Arcana SongFic
by EnsorcelledFerret
Summary: A Vincent POV.


Disclaimers: I don't own the characters depicted in this songfic. Those rights belong to the glorious, and talented Kelly (kellyarcanahotmail.com). All rights reserved. Song Lyrics By "Evanascence" from their "Fallen" Album.  
  
Warnings: If you haven't been following Kelly's "Arcana" series, then I suggest you go read it before you read this fiction. The following story has to do with Vincent's Point Of View regarding when he first met Holden, and the events and effects that the boy had on him. Beware that there is mention of boy/boy love in this. -; So, if you don't like shonen ai or yaoi, I don't suggest you reading this fiction. Thanks in advance.  
  
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"Bring Me To Life"  
  
How can you see into my eyes Like open doors Leading you down into my core Where I've become so numb Without a soul My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold Until you find it there, and lead it back home  
  
I watched from a distance. Behind the walls of shadow, and darkness. They were my barrier, carefully obeyed. Protecting me from him... him from me... and my from myself. At my side stood Adonis, an empty shell of a formerly strong, and cruel kindred. Silent as always, like death. Ironic, really.  
  
Holden.  
  
He walked alone tonight. His destination was unknown to me, but as usual, that meant very little. I followed as I had these past few years, as a shadow. Unsuspected. The edge of a waking dream, rather intangible, and soon forgotten after full awareness set in. I'm sure Holden felt that feeling alot. I restrained myself from running to him.. held myself back from scooping him into my arms, and holding him to me, gently caressing his hair. Forever. To bring him into my world, and make myself a part of his.  
  
The path he took tonight wasn't unknown to me, though. Perhaps he didn't realize it, perhaps he did, but as he rounded the corner, Holden was placing his footfalls on the very grounds we had first met. Even as his shoes scuffed, near soundlessly, upon the sidewalk, my mind was tracing its own steps. Steps that carried me back years into the past, to one particular rainy day....  
  
I caught up with the girl, hands reaching out to grab her roughtly by the neck and shoulder, ignoring her outcries. She pushed against me, but her struggles only fueled me. Adonis.... I lowered my mouth, my teeth, toward her throat ---  
  
--- then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him. He stood, practically motionless, less than five yards away from me and my victim.  
  
Holden.  
  
I couldn't place exactly why I let that girl go. To spare Holden from seeing her die? To spare myself from looking like a complete monster in front of him? .... I don't know... and I probably never will. But as I stood there, watching the boy, I felt something that I would want to label as "guilt" or "regret". A moment later, I was stepping toward him, my crimson eyes locked with his won beautiful golden ones...  
  
'Please...' I had said, reaching a hand out toward him, like a dying man pleading to the most heavenly of all angels. '...don't run. I won't hurt you...'  
  
He stayed. I had expected him to turn, to flee... run away from the monster that was me. But, he stayed, his face shining with understanding, and need... he believed me. I felt his acceptance. Asking his name, I received the word that would haunt my very existance, like a shattered mirror reflecting twisted versions of the current reality; Holden.  
  
I felt my world begin to melt.  
  
(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark  
  
Adonis came for me. Rounding the corner of the street, my white-haired sire shouted my name, cursing me, asking -- no-- demaning an answer as to why I let the girl get away. Trouble! She would give us trouble, he proclaimed. And eve as he drilled his words to me, his eyes befell the creature of perfection that stood less than three feet behind me.  
  
'Who's the kid?'  
  
I cast my eyes back to Holden. No. No, Adonis couldn't have him. He was ---  
  
'Heh, he's pretty. Maybe we can have some fun with him...'  
  
---..mine!  
  
If my heart could beat, it surely would have skipped a few. Adonis reached for him. I wanted to snap his arm off. A flood of emotions swelled over me, and the loudest of those crashing waves was hatred. I pushed my sire's hands away from the boy behind me, and dared to scowl at him, my voice sharpened with rage. I should have thought, though, before I spoke...  
  
'Hey, are you DEAF, Adonis? He said not to touch him!'  
  
Even though the look of shock on Adonis' face was priceless, and forever burned into my mind, I had to turn my back on it. If I could have done things differently then, knowing what I know now, I would not have changed a thing. Except....  
  
We left Adonis behind, and walked those long streets, no destination in mind. It wasn't long before the rain slowed, and no longer fell. Worry crept into my bones, and, fearing the sunshine through the ebbing clouds that blotted it out, I started to say my goodbyes to that beautiful boy that stood at my side. I didn't want to leave him. I knew what awaited me. Adonis. I would have given another dozen deaths to just stay at this boy's side....  
  
That's when he spoke up. He probably never would know how his words affected me. How they held me, coddled me, made me feel cared for.. needed. His voice was unsure, trembling slightly. I couldn't help myself... nor did I want to. I left with him, and we hurried to his house. It was empty; we were alone. And right then, I wouldn't have had it any other way.  
  
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become  
  
I held him, as we lay upon his bed, and we talked. All night long, we talked. He asked me about vampires, and I asked him about himself. His dreams. His hopes. His past. His life. I wanted to know about him as he wanted to know about me. An endless stream of questions, and only a set amount of time until sunrise. I didn't want the moment to end, but even as he fell asleep in my arms, an angel held by a demon, I knew it would end soon enough. Too soon.  
  
Shortly before dawn, I left his side. Pulling my jacket from the window, and slipping it on, I cast a single, lingering glance back at him. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to stay in his arms. To love him. Cherish him. Be a part of his world. Forever.  
  
I left a few minutes later.  
  
Now that I know what I'm without You can't just leave me Breathe into me and make me real Bring me to life  
  
I came back that night to find Holden waiting at his window for me. At least, I hoped it was for me. I called to him, and he smiled. So began our blossoming relationship.  
  
I never went back to Adonis in all this time, and Holden rarely asked about it. I was thankful for this release, to say the least, and took pains to keep it from coming up in passing conversation with him. In all this time, I came to know Holden and the ones in his life. His mother, his brother, his friends.. him. I felt a strange solice encasing me, and I reveled in it. Drank from the cup until I was satisfied, and bloated to content. I let it envelope me in its comforts and carings, its blooming hopes, and budding dreams. I tried to have a life in this casing of death.  
  
I failed miserably.  
  
(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and free me from the dark (Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become  
  
I grew sick, slowly drawing myself into a spiraling freefall in which my own hope of safety was returning to my sire... I had hoped to preserve my humanity, for Holden, for myself... I killed less and less, staving off my need and thirst for blood until it grew to be too much. If I saw Holden again, I didn't know if I would have been able to keep from hurting him. Driven back to Adonis, I left my angel behind.  
  
A month passed. A month of torture and pain, mentally, physically. Adonis had asked about the human boy, Holden. I told him very little, but what I didn't tell him he pried from me. His ways of extracting information showed more than the simple cruel side of him. They showed exactly how tightly he embraced his eternal prison of hell. What he planned to prove from this, I didn't even want to guess. I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I couldn't stand the way he talked about me... about HIM... Holden...  
  
We fought. It lasted, for me, what seemed an eternity. Seconds moved like years, slow... Time meant nothing. A means to an end... Adonis lay in my arms, myself cradling the one I hated with all my being. I had bit him. I should never have....  
  
It wasn't long until I felt myself changing inside. My thoughts fell into darkness, my mind burst into flames of black, and my consciousness faded.  
  
I felt nothing.  
  
I didn't know how long it had been, but I awoke some time later. I found myself not solely ME. Adonis' own consciousness rested within me. And... Adonis? An empty shell. A walking corpse without meaning. A minion now my own. I was changed. I could feel Adonis within me... within my mind.  
  
I couldn't help it. One of the first thoughts I had after this fact, was seeing Holden. I went to him. I had to at least say goodbye.  
  
Bring me to life I've been living a lie There's nothing inside Bring me to life  
  
I sat at his window, the curtains flowing around me on the breeze that crept silently in. The night was cool, as it should be in this ending of summer. I watched him as he slept. Peaceful. The angel that I remembered. This was going to be impossible. How could I say goodbye to someone I loved with my very being. But... I couldn't chance Adonis' tendencies breaking free. I knew all too well what Adonis did to pretty young humans, given the chance, before he either slaughtered them, or turned them.  
  
I wouldn't let Holden fall victim to what I myself had...  
  
He moved, shifting in his sleep. My eyes lit up, but only for a fleeting moment.  
  
'Holden..?' I dared to let my voice break the silence of the room, and watched in a reserved silence as he opened his eyes, instantly locking upon me.  
  
'Vincent..?'  
  
I wanted to melt away into the darkness. I wanted to flee the room, so I didn't have to look into his eyes.. his soul capturing eyes. Him simply being awake was making this even more difficult on me. I couldn't do this. I couldn't tell him goodbye... leave him on his own without me. I'd done it for a month now, could I really do it for an eternity?  
  
Frozen inside without your touch Without your love Darling, only you are the life among the dead  
  
I couldn't keep my silence.  
  
'... Hey, I'm back.'  
  
He started to get up, to rise from the bed, even as I left the window to meet him halfway.  
  
'You...'  
  
I couldn't stand the look in his eyes. The worry. I felt so guilty. 'Sorry... I'm sorry...' What else could I say to him? ... goodbyes never came easy to me, anyway..  
  
'..you're okay! God, don't do that again!'  
  
Even as I felt his arms lace around me, cling to me with his worry, and relief... I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to scream my farewell, and leave. To leave him... I forced myself to push him away.  
  
'Stop!'  
  
I had never pushed him away....  
  
'Wha-- what's wrong?' The confusion and hurt in his voice wrenched through me, but it only fueled the part of me that was consumed by Adonis' very being. I felt anger surge through me, and I struggled to push it down. But, the coldness crept forward, the blinding chill of hatred and anger. A constant battle...  
  
'Stop it... I.. I killed him!'  
  
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see Kept in the dark But you were there in front of me I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems I've got to open my eyes to everything  
  
Holden's eyes widened, and he clutched his shirt lightly with one hand as he listened to me talk. I couldn't look at him, so I cast my eyes to the floor, closing them almost completely.  
  
'Adonis -- I bit him... he's dead!! He's dead.. but still moving... he's just an empty shell... God... Holden..!'  
  
I knew he could feel the flood of emotions from me, and I didn't try to stop them. If he could feel them, and see what had happened... maybe he would understand why I couldn't be with him. Maybe he could understand why I didn't want to risk hurting him. Why I didn't want to dare the chance.....  
  
'Oh god... why did ---?' My eyes closed the rest of the way, tightly.  
  
I heard him step up to me, not close enough to touch me, but it made my mind shudder.  
  
'No, it's okay!' No, it wasn't. Why couldn't he see that..? 'Vincent, he can't hurt you now -- please... '  
  
His words angered me, and my eyes snapped open, turning upon him with fury. 'You don't understand -- he CAN hurt me. I can feel it... all his blood and anger and obsession is becoming mine. .... Forgive me. I was so stupid... I have to go.'  
  
I thought, for a fleeting moment, I could feel his heart stop for a few seconds. I turned away from him. I couldn't stay here any longer. I couldn't hurt him like this.  
  
'I came back to say goodbye'  
  
Without a thought Without a voice Without a soul  
  
'Goodbye? .. you can't be serious!'  
  
I took a step away from him, toward the window. Why was he making this so hard on me? On himself...? Could he really care that much for me? Why was I doing this to him. Damn you, Adonis!  
  
'I am. Adonis never hesitated in killing someone -- I bit him, so now I'm going to inherit that lust. I can't guarantee your safety with me anymore, and I'm not willing to risk hurting you.... Please understand....'  
  
The rest of my words caught in my throat as I felt his arms reach out to me. I turned my eyes enough to see his face before his hands encircled my waist. The sadness.. the hurt... oh god.  
  
'No....'  
  
I don't remember what I said to him. It must have pained him, though. I could see it in his face. In his eyes... that look was forever burned into my mind. I turned to him, held him to me, as his own arms lingered somewhere around my own body. He never wanted to part with me. He wanted me never to leave him... If we were to be together... we could be together forever. If he was willing to part with the self he knew now. If he would give up his humanity as I had... life within death... we could be forever together...  
  
'That's it... ' My thoughts formed into words as I leaned closer to him, my hand under his chin, and my mouth hovering dangerously near his throat. '... we CAN be toghether... if you... would die... for me...'  
  
My mind exploded with pain and anger as Holden tried to push me away from him, screaming for me to let him go. I couldn't understand... he wanted to be with me. I was willing to give up my unlife for him, and he... he....  
  
.. he tripped...  
  
Don't let me die here There must be something wrong Bring me to life (Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark  
  
We fell to his bed, him pulling me down with him, it was so close to us, and I heard the CLUNK as his head struck the headboard. Half of me felt bad for him, sorry for hurting him, and wanted to help him up, pull him from beneath me and tend to his wounds. The other half was less caring. I could feel the parts within me that bore Adonis' mental tendencies surge forward. I couldn't stop them.  
  
I was a prisoner in my own mind, screaming from the darkness that surrounded me, watching the actions of my body... actions that were not my own. I watched myself claw deep marks into Holden's chest.. I watch as I tied him to his bed.. I watched as I kissed him.... as I ravaged his body. I watched him cry.. I heard him scream..  
  
I'll never forget that scream. Part of me bore total elation... cruel sensations that reveled in the sound of his tortured tone.. and part of me cringed, and cried silent tears. I couldn't help him... and I couldn't deny myself any longer. I was no longer Vincent.. I was a cruel mixture of Adonis and Vincent. Lost in the clash of personalities, and hidden within the booming grind they caused as they shifted against each other.  
  
I mentally screamed myself. I couldn't help him. I could only hurt. And I hurt him all night long, until the threat of the sunrise drove me away from his house, and away from his beaten, battered, bloodied, and broken body.  
  
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become Bring me to life  
  
Holden walked up to the porch of a dwelling I didn't remember, and I watched as his friend, that fiery haired girl I also couldn't remember the name of, rose, a smile plastered on her face. He smiled back to her, and they went inside a moment later. I stood outside, leaning against a tree, for hours. He never emerged. I assumed he was staying the night.  
  
I could deal with that.  
  
He was safe within those walls, for now. But I thought about the promise I made myself so many years ago. I would find him, and he would be mine. He would join with me once again, and we would rule eternity together, forever. Our love would be never ending, and surpass time itself. I would do anything to have him as my love once again.  
  
I looked over to Adonis, who's face was slack and expressionless as he stared at the house as well.  
  
I've been living a lie There's nothing inside  
  
I wasn't the soulless beast Adonis had been. I would not screw up this chance. I would not hurt him again. It would be solely pleasure, and never ending love. I promised myself... and I promised my golden-eyed angel, though he did not yet know.  
  
Bring me to life  
  
Holden.  
  
-------  
  
(Author's Notes: I worked for several hours on writing out dialogue that was actually used in the comic, and printing reference pages for actions and stuff. This took alot of hard work, and I'd appreciate it if you would read, comment, and critique this piece. Thanks again, and please visit for more information about the Arcana series by Kelly. ) 


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